Fucking Bogans

So, pray tell.. what is a 'bogan', you may ask. Pronounced <BOH-gun>, a bogan is a person that listens to bad music, has a terrible hairstyle, no sense of responsibility attached to their odour (male type), uses industrial amounts of makeup (female type) and generally earns less than 10 k AUD a year, but manages to spend at least three times that amount on alcohol, "Street Machine" magazines, and Marijuana. How do they manage to get this money? Theft, drug sales, muggings etc.. They are a parasitic breed of sub-human who drains our economy in unemployed allowance, and thrives on the fear of the weak with indimidation by numbers.

I used to live on the streets a few years ago, and I've done my dues. My city is a small place, and if you make the right moves at the right times, with the right people, you pretty much have a free run. The bogans down here all know me, and I don't cop shit from them. Basically, if I ever DO cop some shit from some young initiate who doesn't know me, I make certain that after about 30 seconds, he knows EXACTLY who I am, and what I won't tolerate. You get the picture.

Within the category of 'Boganism', as I will aptly name it, you have several sub-categories of which I will touch on a few.

The balding bogan

The balding bogan is the bogan that is now between 35 and 50, but still manages to neglect his responsibilities as a member of society and spends all day asking for change, smoking other people's cigarettes, and hanging with his mates in some frontyard of a public housing estate. They sit there all day, swilling home brew and swearing at people that walk past. This is the sort of unremarkable person that really makes nothing of their WHOLE life.

The junkie bogan

Junkie bogans don't often leave their homes, and are rarely seen in public in places other than ATM's and petrol stations. They are most likely on some sort of disability pension from the government for schizophrenia, or some other drug-induced psychosis. They make most of their money however, by selling drugs to balding bogans or meathead bogans. They usually have an exceptional stereo system, a wide-screen TV, a video game console that is about 5 years old, a skank whore skinny-ass girlfriend with bleached-blonde hair and dark regrowth, big saggy tits, a speech impediment and a terminal blood disease, who is treated like a queen by all the other bogans that visit the house (they all want a piece) and treated like a bag of shit by the junkie bogan himself. She will never leave him, because he of course supplies her heroin addiction, and even pays for her tampons. The junkie bogan is a leader among bogans.

The meathead bogan

The meathead bogan can usually be seen frequenting parties he wasn't invited to, and starting fights with anyone he thinks he could beat. He drinks alot of someone else's beer, smokes alot of someone else's dope, has a couple of acid trips a year, and has tried most drugs. Generally the younger brother of a junkie bogan, meatacillus bogantanius hangs around with other similar losers who migrate from house to house of the various junkie bogans in their suburb.

The skank whore bogan

These usually come in two varieties. Attached, and un-attached (generally a little younger). The attached ones are either with the junkie bogan, or a meathead bogan that they have been with since high school. The older sort usually have at least three of their front teeth missing, and the rest are usually rotten or brown. The un-attached ones are a very superficial, flighty type of girl that waits on city street corners at night to be picked up by a travelling group of blockie bogans to drive around and around the same block for a few hours, before settling in some abandoned carpark for a drug and alcohol session in the car before they are sexually corrupted by the blockie bogans. It's commonly known that if you have a car, a wine cask and a couple of spare hours, you can get your cock sucked by a scantily dressed, underage girl with a penchant for bad language. That is the horrible reality.

The blockie bogan

The blockie bogan spends all day working on his car, and all night driving around the same block searching for the un-attached skank whore bogan, which can usually be found on street corners (see above).

The street dealer bogan

The street dealer bogan is usually friends with most other bogans. He scores good drug deals from his junkie bogan friends, but never gets a real foothold and 'makes the big-time' like the junkie bogan. The street dealer bogan is nomadic, and doesn't usually have a house of his own, he normally sleeps on the floor of a balding bogan's loungeroom, or occasionally spends the night on the luxurious comfort of the junkie bogan's couch. This is usually when his best friend is a meathead bogan - and the junkie bogan is his older brother. The street dealer bogan smokes alot of pot, and drinks alot of whiskey. (whiskey is the up-market choice liquor for a bogan) The street dealer bogan does get invited to parties, and usually owns the conversation. Generally a couple of years older then the meathead bogan, he gets alot of respect on the street, but junkie bogans view them as inferior, and treat them like crap. Because of the volume of pot that a street dealer will sell, the junkie bogan usually does him a nice price.

Bogeletts

Bogeletts are between the ages of 8 and 12 (yes, sadly as young as 8) and already smoke, drink, rob, bash and even rape. Rape their sisters. You would almost feel sorry for them if they weren't so corrupt. wait another 12-15 years, and this will be the population of the prison. They hunt in gangs, and owing to their young age, have absolutely no sense of responsibility. No understanding of sense and reason, no idea about cause and consequence. Never underestimate them, they carry guns and knives and know not what they do. They live in and out of detention centres, and their parents neglect them. Sound bad? I can assure you that this is the most disturbing type. Avoid at any cost.

This just touches on a few of the more common bogan types. A fascinating, but disgusting waste of space. I have two words: Oxygen thieves.